oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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