it was like eating out sand paper
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
