I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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