At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
