After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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