Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
