It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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