apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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