There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
