If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
