Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
