I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
