god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
this is an emotional support booty call
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
