Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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