I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
