Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
