Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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