just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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