he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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