girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
