u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
