I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
