please come you make the beer taste better
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
