i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
