We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
