Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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