Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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