so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
