so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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