1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
