Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
