trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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