ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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