I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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