I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
