ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
