When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
