rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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