Jerry, you need to find god
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I understand Curling. That high.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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