Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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