She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
