Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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