She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
