He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
