Soap is not a condiment
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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