I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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