With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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