Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
