C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
