I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
