too bad you live with your parents still
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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