Your mouth is God's brothel.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
