This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ttyl tear gas
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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