So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
