My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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