do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
