guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
