Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
