Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
