You're so nebulous sometimes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
