Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
