Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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