i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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