Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
